Since it was first announced in April, Cocaine Bear has held a very special place in the hearts of moviegoers. A film based on the true-life story of a 175-pound black bear who ingested a duffel bag of cocaine abandoned in North Georgia in 1985, Cocaine Bear seemed to have everything a discerning modern audience would want in a movie. that is, a bear. and some cocaine.
That being said, there was also a feeling that the film couldn't live up to the title. Cocaine Bear is such a perfect name for a movie that any attempt to flesh it out with actual content could be a disappointment. After all, the concept of a cocaine-crushed bear is way more fun than the reality of a cocaine-crushed bear. Let's not forget that, in 1985, a medical examiner determined that the bear had suffered a brain hemorrhage and kidney, heart and lung failure, so it most likely died in terror and incredible pain. Which, by all accounts, would be a monumental bummer of a movie.
Director: Elizabeth Banks
Writer: Jimmy Warden
Stars: Ray Liotta, Margo Martindale, Keri Russell
But now, eager Cocaine Bear fans can breathe a small sigh of relief, because the first trailer for Cocaine Bear has dropped and, well, it doesn't seem particularly scared of its own premise.
As soon as the bear first appears, it is perfectly apparent that the bear is absolutely, without a doubt, on cocaine. He knocks a door off its hinges, growling and drooling with a frantic look on his face. Roll onto his back. He runs along a highway and plunges headfirst into a speeding ambulance. He stops briefly to admire a passing butterfly. He jumps over a tree and eats Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson. All the classic cocaine behavior.
The dialogue also seems primarily concerned with assuring the audience that Cocaine Bear is a movie about a bear doing cocaine. Shortly after the bear has eaten all the cocaine, a character says, "The bear, he fucking did cocaine," a sentiment he quickly clarifies by adding, "A bear did cocaine." Seconds later, an older character announces, as solemnly as any human being, "Apex predator, high on cocaine, out of his mind." Someone asks, surely rhetorically, "What the hell is wrong with that bear?" Another looks at the bear and says, "Oh man, you fucked up." A boy describes the bear as "fucked up" with such absolute delight that the reading of lines is automatically destined to outshine everything else he has done in his career.
Clearly, based on the trailer alone, Cocaine Bear is going to be an absolute blast. It seems (and I have to admit that I say the following with the intention of making it the poster quote) is exactly the kind of movie you should watch if your main film interests are bears and cocaine. If the movie can keep up with the sheer frenetic energy of the trailer, Cocaine Bear is destined to become a classic.
But let's not get carried away. The world is full of movie trailers filled with over-the-top promises, recontextualizing all the good parts in a way the full movie could never emulate. Do you remember when the first trailer for Suicide Squad was released? Remember how he tricked people into thinking he was going to be good? And that was just a boring old superhero movie, containing exactly zero cocaine-ridden bears.
Cocaine Bear, meanwhile, walks a much more precarious tightrope. People know what they want the movie to be. The trailer has hinted that it will also be this movie. So now Cocaine Bear has to walk like he talks. To fulfill the promise of the trailer, it just needs to be a movie about a bear on cocaine. One should not moralize with a heavy hand about drug trafficking. There must be minimal realistic depictions of a bear dying from a debilitating drug overdose. There should be no subplots of any kind. I'm going to see Cocaine Bear. I'm going to pay my own ticket. But I swear to God, if I feel any dialogue that doesn't directly speak to what a bear is like on cocaine, I demand a refund.
It is an uphill task. Cocaine Bear can still snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. But if any movie can pull it off, it's Cocaine Bear. I believe in you, Cocaine Bear.