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 A talking horse with the voice of Napoleon Dynamite stops sipping water from his trough long enough to speak directly to us, the viewing public. You know those Pinocchio stories where he lies and his nose grows and all that? Nonsense, he says. You are about to see what really happened. And it will be much more boring than being swallowed by a whale, and that's me talking here, the movie critic who suffers through this shit so you don't have to. That horse is Tibalt (Jon Heder), who will become Pinocchio's (Pauly Shore) horse once Geppetto (Tom Kenny, aka SpongeBob) spawns him from a log. There's a joke where Geppetto tries to think of a name for his new puppet, and he says maybe Leonardo, but no, he could grow up to be a selfish actor, and we moan, long and hard. Is this one of those movies? Post-Shrek self-aware pop culture reference nonsense? Somebody stick my head in the trough and keep me from surfacing, please. But he gets tired of that very quickly, because why s...