The best thing to say about Dubai Bling is that by the end of the first episode, you almost feel sorry for the cast. You want to reach out to them, hug them, tell them everything is going to be okay. It is not their fault that, for some of them, their careers, their reputations, their futures, are in tatters.
Really, it isn't. They really thought that the show would propel them onto the world stage and make them international superstars. It's all the fault of those horrible people at Netflix, who had a grand plan to fool Dubai and found 10 unsuspecting locals to help them out.
Unfortunately, sympathy is likely to be in short supply. One of the most curious aspects of the show, which launched on Netflix on October 27, is that cast members often describe the kinds of people they least relate to, before morphing into those very characters. The opening credits aren't even done before Danya Mohammed tells us, "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fakest of them all?"
This pretty much sums up episode one, as some cast members are quick to accept Danya's challenge. First up is real estate agent Zeina Khoury, who narrates much of the first episode. She states that she was "part of the team that founded Palazzo Versace Dubai."
If she searches for "Zeina Khoury Palazzo Versace Dubai" on Google, the first thing that comes up is a Property Finder ad and 59 current active listings under her name.
Admittedly, the fourth listing is for Palazzo Versace, an elegant three-bedroom apartment for AED 300,000 per year. At just 2,237 square feet, it sounds expensive, but there's a "big balcony."
As Zeina herself warns us, “but be careful. Among the rich, some are genuine, some are fake."
Back to the challenge, and next up is Ebraheem Al Samadi. "Know your limits because you can't mess with me," he announces. Shortly after, he adds, "In terms of my net worth, we're talking over $90 million."
Strange, as just a week ago, her PR team sent several documents to Arabian Business to prove she was worth $50 million. It's clearly been a bad week. Looking at those documents, they showed revenue for his Forever Rose companies of $22.5 million last year.
If we go for the $90 million value, based on an absurdly high P/E ratio of 9, that means you're making $10 million a year profit on revenue of $22.5 million. Either he's the new Mark Zuckerberg, or he's full of confidence. Do the math.
To be fair to Ebraheem, he gets a hugely unfair on-screen kick from Loujian Adada after a disastrous blind date. Ebraheem's lovely mother steals the show by suggesting that Loujian is a "gold digger." Really.
Interestingly, much of the first episode is dedicated to Safa Siddiqui's struggles. Struggles include finding more wardrobe space in her bedroom and wondering how to buy the adjacent villa on Palm Jumeirah and link them together with an underground tunnel. Safa is chosen as one of the ten stars, but it is her long-suffering husband, her Fahad, that she really feels for. If anyone deserves his own spin-off series, it's him.
Anyway, up to the challenge...and making a strong case for the winner in episode one is Farhana Bodi. The first time she appears on screen, you wonder "Farhana who?" In the end, you are left wondering "Why Farhana?"
“I feel like I'm a hard worker,” she says. Presumably, this is not the same Farhana who told Gulf News in a recent interview: “I do my pilates and then I work out at the gym for the first half of my day. But before hitting the gym or doing pilates, I detox my system with a glass of green juice followed by a glass of water with chia seeds soaked overnight. I really like detox juices.”